so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
as a side note pls kill me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
