my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
