White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
