Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
