ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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