why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
