i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize