So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
