if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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