ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
