If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
