i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize