HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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