i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
