his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
