please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
