You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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