just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
