i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
