??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
