i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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