My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize