Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
