pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why do cheetos always look like penises
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
