i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
