I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
