Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
