I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
