he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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