I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
