I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
