hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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