Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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