Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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