I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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