im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
