listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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