her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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