He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
