Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
