guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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