i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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