No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
