you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
