no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
