I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
