And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
