So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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