oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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