I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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