I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
