careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
