i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize