Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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