Soap is not a condiment
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
