We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize