Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
