I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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