I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i have two assholes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
