i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
