i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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